The Engine

The rain poured down from the blackest of night skies. A thin man, with only an umbrella for protection, rushed through the deluge; splashing puddles as he hurried. The dark buildings of the city leered over him. He did not tremble at their terrible appearance though. To him, they were at best mere parodies of some other thing.

At last the man came to an old warehouse. He walked up to the door and began to urgently knock on it. The door opened and a well dressed man stood there.

“Am I speaking with Mr. Nikola Tesla, the inventor?” the thin man in the rain asked.

“You are indeed,” Mr. Tesla said. “But to whom am I speaking to?”

“Ah, forgive me. My name is Howard. I hope you don’t mind my intrusion, Mr. Tesla, but I really must speak with you.”

“Well, come on in then,” Tesla said. “No use standing out in the rain, you’ll catch cold.”

Howard stepped in, closing the umbrella and shaking the rain off of it. Tesla had already turned away and was walking towards a bank of dials and controls.

“You’ll have to excuse me, Mr. Howard, if I carry on my work while we talk. I’m at a critical stage in my latest endeavor and I want to finish it tonight.”

“It’s just Howard, sir,” Howard replied. “And, what are you working on at this moment? Forgive me, but I have a fascination with the sciences, and wish to know which of your myriad projects you are finishing.”

Tesla smiled. “That is all right, Howard. Few in this day or age have any honest interest in science anymore. They view it as some alien magic, not a tool that we can control. And, to answer your question, I am performing the final test of my viewing engine tonight. If all goes well, this device shall allow any man to view another location on the globe, no matter what the distance is.”

Howard’s face fell. “I was afraid of that.”

Tesla paused. “Afraid of what?”

“This viewing engine. It’s not safe, I think. I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to not turn it on.”

Tesla flipped a switch, then turned around to face Howard.

“And why not?” he asked, a little perturbed by the thin man’s request.

“You don’t know what you’re doing.”

Tesla looked at Howard a second longer. He turned around, flipped a few more switches, and began to walk off to another door.

“Mr. Tesla,” Howard said. “I really must ask…”

“I heard you,” Tesla replied. “But I’m afraid that I cannot comply with your request.”

“But, Mr. Tesla, you really…” Howard began.

“I will not stop my work based upon the fears of someone who, in all probability, doesn’t even know how to create a simple galvanizing engine.”

“I know other things, Mr. Tesla. And I know that you cannot let them in.”

Tesla stopped, his hand on the door. “Them?”

Howard nodded. “If you power that engine, you will see a world, but it won’t be this one. You will open a door to the outside, and they will come crawling through.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“Just what is your line of work, Howard?” Tesla asked.

“I am… a writer,” Howard replied.

Tesla smirked. “I see. Well, Howard, I hope you’ll come in and see my engine at work. Then you can put aside your fantasies and see the true face of wondrous science.”

The inventor opened the door and walked through. Howard followed after him, mumbling as he walked.

“You’re just like August,” he said.

“August?” Tesla inquired.

“One of my many correspondences,” Howard replied. “Young man from Wisconsin. Enjoys weaving all of these things into wonderful orders, like a mythos of sorts. But he just treats them like stories, even if the truth is in front of his face.”

“Then it appears this Mr. August is a wise individual.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. In my private opinion, he’s a sycophantic moron. I only tolerate him because his own writing ability is well developed for someone his age.”

Howard followed Tesla to a long, barrel-like device in the center of the room. Various cables and apparatus came out of it, hooked to dials and switches of unknown purpose. Howard was taken aback by the thing’s design.

“Almost a very creation of Nyarlothotep,” he whispered.

Tesla paid this no mind. “I hope, Howard, that this demonstration will allay your fears.”

Parts of the engine began to hum and spin. Sparks of blue lightning snapped and crackled, and Howard jumped back in surprise.

“Calm yourself, Howard,” Tesla chided. “Science is nothing to fear.”

The engine began to spin. Tesla stepped back to watch. Howard was fixed, entranced by the sight unfolding before him.

A sphere of eldritch blue light began to form at one end of the engine. The entire room began to shake. Howard almost lost his balance, but Tesla stood firm as though this was only a small breeze in Central Park. The humming began to pulsate, and it seemed as if vague whispers rose up in it.

“Is it not amazing?” Tesla asked.

“Unnatural as well,” Howard remarked, but Tesla did not heed him.

The engine’s activity began to reach a peak. Tesla stepped forward and put his hand upon a switch.

“With this, we shall view the world,” he said, and he flipped the switch.

The sphere expanded into a flat window of the same blue light. Sparks crackled and arced at its edges. The engine powered down a little, yet still hummed and whispered. Tesla was spellbound. Howard was uneasy and frightened.

“Turn it off,” he said. “Please, man, turn it off.”

“Not until I see what has been opened,” Tesla said. He walked toward the window of blue light. Howard followed after him, hesitant in his fear.

Without warning, something burst forward. A conglomeration of beaked maws, flanked by great tentacles, came out of the window. It screeched and flailed about, as if trying to pull itself through.

Tesla let out a cry and staggered back. Howard rushed forward and dragged him away. The engine groaned and strained as though the creature was putting it under some great pressure.

“What is that?” Tesla asked, his face white in shock.

“One of them,” Howard said. “An Old One.” He pulled a small stone with a curious rune on it out of his jacket pocket. “Can you shut off this infernal engine?”

“Yes,” Tesla replied. “If I could only get to it.” He eyed the monstrosity. It’s tentacles were curling around the device, drawing close to key components.

“That abomination will be my department,” Howard said. “Clear your mind and don’t look at it again. Just shut this thing down.”

Howard advanced toward the creature, holding out the stone and chanting some indecipherable language. It screeched as if in pain and withdrew a fraction. Tesla wasted no time and went over to the control panel. He flipped switches in a frenzy, shutting off the power that fed the viewing engine. It began to power down, and the beast began to recede through the window. When its last tentacle had withdrawn, the window shut and the machine grew quiet and still.

Tesla went over to Howard. The thin man’s face was filled with a worried relief. The inventor put an arm under his to give him support.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Your engine opened a doorway to the outside, like I said it would,” Howard replied. “I told you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

“Forgive me then,” Tesla said, as Howard recovered his strength. “I fear my mistake has taken a toll on you.”

“No more than countless others committed by mankind.”

“But how did this happen?” Tesla asked. “I didn’t intend for this to happen.”

Howard pulled himself from the inventor and stumbled over to the engine. After peering into its inner workings for a few moments, he reached in and pulled out a crystal.

“A focusing agent?” he asked.

“Yes,” Tesla inquired. “One of my associates brought it to me. He knew I needed one for this precise purpose. Why?”

“It’s a peculiar type,” Howard replied. “I have seen it before, though. These don’t naturally occur, not in our plane of reality, anyway. They must be brought here from other places. Where did your associate acquire it at?”

“Australia,” Tesla said.

“Then it’s Yithian, as I suspected. Probably came from Pnakotus itself, at some point.”

“Yithian?”

“The Great Race of Yith,” Howard explained. “They lived millennia before we appeared, and will live millennia after we are gone. They can send their minds into bodies of other times. Though they’re not very antagonistic, their creations are still dangerous to the unwary.”

“Did it summon that monster?” Tesla asked.

“It opened a door to the outside, where that thing was,” Howard said. He put the crystal in his coat pocket and walked back to Tesla. “Don’t speak a word of what has happened here. Forget it happened at all, that’s the best thing.”

“Why?” the inventor inquired.

“The less you think about what comes from outside, the better off you will be. If your mind dwells upon them too much, it can lead to insanity. Then it’s the asylum. Just pray they don’t send you off to Arkham. Some prefer what’s outside to that place, and sometimes I don’t blame them.”

Tesla looked back at the engine. “Do I destroy this?”

“Yes. Unmake it and forget how to remake it. It’s too much of a trouble to keep, even with a clean focusing agent.”

Howard and Tesla walked back to the front door. Tesla stopped and held Howard’s shoulder.

“I was wrong about you, it seems,” he said.

“I wish you weren’t,” Howard replied. I wish I was just a writer and all of this was just strange fantasies.”

“Well, in any case, you have my gratitude,” Tesla said. “You’ll find that’s hard to get.” He held out his hand and Howard shook it.

“If only that gratitude was enough to keep off the horrors, I would appreciate it more,” the thin man replied.

Tesla opened the door and Howard stepped out into the rain. He paused for a moment, looked up at the sky, and opened his umbrella.

“Can I call upon you, if I am near your home?” Tesla asked.

Howard thought about it. “Yes, you may. Sophia likes visitors, and we don’t get many. It will please her, and she needs it.”

“Where shall I find you?”

“The Bronx,” Howard said. “Ask for the Lovecraft residence. You’ll find me soon enough then.”

“Farewell then, Mr. Lovecraft.”

“Farewell to you too, Mr. Tesla.”

Tesla nodded and closed the door. Howard turned and walked off, his form soon hidden in the driving rain.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Prokaryote
Review

Hey Conrad --

Whenever I start reading one of your stories it's like a breath of fresh air. The prose is crisp and simplistic, moving along at a steady pace. I feel like you write without any pretension; nothing is overwrought. Yes, I very much like your style -- which is why it saddens me when the smallest things manage to ruin it. Too often I come across a sentence or paragraph that, if it was only tightened a bit, would be excellent.

Let me give you a few examples.

He did not tremble at their terrible appearance though.


That "though" hangs there, doing its best to drag the rest of the sentence down with it. "Though" is a funny word. Sometimes it's necessary, but in other instances I believe it can just as easily be replaced with "but." I would combine this sentence with the previous one, like so:

The dark buildings of the city leered over him, but he did not tremble at their terrible appearance.


It's still simple, it still works, and it gets rid of the weak "though."

*

To him, they were at best mere parodies of some other thing.


This one threw me for a loop. "Some other thing"? Jack mentioned that he liked the foreshadowing; yes, I like that aspect too -- but it's a clumsy attempt. It's like you knew you couldn't mention the creatures by name, so you just tossed in a vague replacement. It's too transparent; the reader can see that you're trying to hide something, and I find it rather insulting that you act like he can't.

*

At last the man came to an old warehouse.


"At last" sounds funny this early in the story. I understand its use for conveying a length of time, but perhaps you could do something different here. Actually, I think if you just cut those two words out all together it would be fine.

*

He walked up to the door and began to urgently knock on it. The door opened and a well dressed man stood there.


This is irritating. The repetition of "door," the similarities between the two sentences in structure. Switch it up somehow.

*

“But to whom am I speaking to?”


Unless I'm mistaken, I believe you can hack off the second "to."

*

All right, on to the dialogue. My main problem here is your overuse of tags. Seems like every line, there's a "replied" or "asked" or, worst of all, "inquired." There's nothing wrong with these in moderation, obviously, but there are only two people in this story. Unless the way they are speaking has changed, we're going to figure out who is talking without the help of a tag.

Look at this:

“Why?” the inventor inquired.


This sentence would be infinitely stronger if it was just one word: WHY. We know it's Tesla asking the question, so why the tag? It only slows the conversation down.

*

So, see what I'm saying? I like your minimalism, but it could be tightened and polished until it really shines.

For the plot: Meh. It was okay, but there wasn't much suspense. The characters weren't well-defined, and I had a hard time feeling their emotion. I feel it was probably a good writing exercise, but is it that great alone? Not really.

Anyway, hoped this helped you a bit. I like your writing, yet I wish you would pay the prose a bit more attention so you can make the most of it. Simplicity is powerful because it allows the reader to glide -- just make sure little jagged edges aren't sticking out.

Prokaryote

User avatar
Firestarter
Review

Hey Conrad!

You already know I liked this because it got second place. There are still some issues with it that I have, however, and they sort of mirror my last critique of yours, for Orpheus. So I'll keep it shorter this time.

The rain poured down from the blackest of night skies


I don't mind this first line, it just makes me LOL because I think of "It was a dark and stormy night."

. A thin man, with only an umbrella for protection, rushed through the deluge; splashing puddles as he hurried. The dark buildings of the city leered over him. He did not tremble at their terrible appearance though. To him, they were at best mere parodies of some other thing.


Oh, deluge is a fantastic word to use. Kudos to you, sir. I also like how the buildings leer at him, and how he has seen bigger and terrible things. Nice foreshadowing. Big fan of this paragraph!

At last the man came to an old warehouse. He walked up to the door and began to urgently knock on it. The door opened and a well dressed man stood there.


Rather basic. "well dressed" needs some hyphenating action. You could probably make this a little bit more interesting.

“Well, come on in then,” Tesla said. “No use standing out in the rain, you’ll catch cold.”


"catch a cold". Nice dialogue.

Actually, most of your dialogue in this piece is fantastic. It reminds me of the time period. Very polite and verbose speaking. No anachronisms or anything. Very well done!

Oh, and:

“Just what is your line of work, Howard?” Tesla asked.

“I am… a writer,” Howard replied.


Haha. Brilliant. Made me laugh.

Seriously, you are excellent at dialogue. Although sometimes I feel Howard is too calm:

“Turn it off,” he said. “Please, man, turn it off.”


Would he just 'say' this or would he not be a bit more flustered about it?

My main problem with this piece is the description of the creature and the action. I like the initial description, but instead of turning into a little bit of action, they both seem far too calm and act very rationally, talking normally and so on. If I was in that situation I'd at least panic a little! But they seem so calm and the conflict is resolved too quickly.

I think to spark up this piece it would be good if the creature got out a little more, and maybe destroyed some more things, and both characters almost lose their lives.

That way it's a bit more exciting, a bit more dangerous, and so on. I think it could make this piece. Right now it's a bit dry and drab, and it should be the best part of the story.

Work on that in any revision.

I also think your characterisation could be a little stronger. Both Tesla and Lovecraft, while not the same, seem quite similar and indistinguishable. They both talk the same, and act quite similar. It's difficult to see how one is compared to the other. I think if you worked a little bit more on that it could also strengthen the story.

But otherwise, it's a good piece. I like it! Thanks for writing it for my contest : )

User avatar
BigBadBear
Review

Conrad,

This has been posted on the site for a little less than a month, and it has yet to get a critique? Man, I'm sorry. That blows. I hate it when good writing goes unnoticed. I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier.

A thin man, with only an umbrella for protection, rushed through the deluge; splashing puddles as he hurried.


Semi-colons are for combining sentences, so it doesn't fit. Replace it with a comma.

“No use standing out in the rain, you’ll catch cold.”


On the other hand, replace this comma with a semi-colon.

Alright. So.

I didn't like this. It was a little too far-fetched for my taste. The whole concept was kind of weak (except for the little twist at the end; that was pretty funny with HP Lovecraft) and I don't think it was executed well enough.

Although, I think there could be some hope for this piece. It's not terrible. You are a great writer. Your writing is incredibly solid. I was trying to explain to myself what I meant by when I said "solid". It means that when I read something you've written, it feels complete. It feels like what I just read is really good. You don't use weak sentence. You have a wide vocabulary, and you use it to your advantage. That's something I like about your pieces, Connie.

On the other hand, the plot was really bad. I mean, it's sort of interesting. I think it was incredibly rushed. When Henry first met Tesla, I felt like the dialog was forced, and unnatural. I don't think Tesla would let a complete stranger come into his house and watch him work on a machine that could see into another part of the world (supposedly). I liked Lovecraft; he was pretty interesting, but could get cheesy at times. I like the monster. I thought that was pretty cool.

I think one thing you can do with this piece is slow down and expand it. I know this was written for a contest, but if you ever wanted to, go back through this, take a section, and re-write it. Make it longer, better and more interesting. The beginning wasn't the best, really. I struggled to get through it.

Anyway, continue writing, because you're one of the better writers on the site.

-Jared



I see no reason to celebrate the random timing of natural events by eating poison and singing.
— Dilbert